Sunday, 18 November 2012


Vincent woke up not knowing about the insect intruder. Then he had a delicious breakfast containing, surprisingly, potatoes.

“I wish my mother could cook, my whole life I eat only potatoes – potatoes for breakfast, potatoes for lunch, potatoes for dinner, potato birthday cake, potato Christmas sweets. I hate these stupid potatoes! I promise this potato is my last!”

And Vincent threw away all his potatoes.

“Oh, I am so hungry.  I wish I hadn’t thrown my potatoes away. I would give my soul for something to eat.”

When Vincent said his wish, something strange happened – the sky turned dark, birds stopped singing and a breeze wind started to blow.

“At your service, young man,” said a man who suddenly appeared.

“W-w-who are you? A-a-are you Satan?” Vincent nervously asked.

“I would call myself a new friend of yours. Please, call me Leonard.”

“Ok, Leonard, and what do you want?”

“What do I want? Please Vincent, I want almost nothing from you, I am here just for you.”

“How do you know my name? Can you read my mind or something?”

“You have it written on your sack, Vincent.”


“I see you are hungry Vincent, do you want something to eat?”

“It would be nice of you, Leonard.”

“I will be more than happy to share my food with you Vincent, just one banality, fill this short form for me, please.”

First name*: ________________      
Last name*: ________________       
Password *(Must be between 6-12 characters):_______________                                   
Re-enter password*:________________     
Security Question: ________________________________________       
Primary email*: ____________________
Secondary email: ___________________            
Address*: __________________________ 
City*: _____________________________
State/Province: _______________________ 
Zip or Postal Code*: ___________________ 
Phone number*: _______________________

I am agreeing to the Terms of Service above and both the Program Policy and the Privacy Policy.*__________________

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“What the hell is this, Leonard!?”

“Oh, sorry Vincent, this one is wrong, here’s yours.”

First name*: _________________       
Last name*: _________________ 

Signature with one‘s own blood*:_____________________ 

* Required fields

„Thank you Vincent and now we can have dinner! Behold, my own recipe – potato pancakes!“


“That filthy rotten bloody old gramp! He must have stolen the ring that Sheeny gave me! That’s why he was so in hurry at the end!  I should have been more vigilant.

 My mother often told me,” You must be always very careful when you are dealing with the old or women. You never know what they could do to you.”

“And she was right! You offer them a helpful hand and they steal you a ring!”

Vincent was very angry when he realized that the filthy rotten bloody old gramp has stolen the ring from his beloved Sheeny. He was terribly swearing till the evening and then he was so exhausted that he decided to go to sleep. He lied down near the tree on a soft moss and fell asleep.

There was a hidden menace in the tree – a hungry vicious tick searching for victims. You might have read in some book that ticks don’t live in trees. Ticks live in grass – unfortunately this tick hasn’t read the same book, so it is waiting in the tree.

The tick jumped (you may have also read that ticks don’t jump) on the sleeping Vincent and started to screw in his thick skin on his dirty neck (you could have also read that ticks prefer thin and soft skin like in the armpit).Vincent is possibly doomed because this tick could be infected, now only time could tell what is going to happen to poor Vincent.  We will see – it’s just the matter of time. Peace to his soul.


When Vincent was approximately one thousand steps far from home, he saw an old man sitting under a big oak tree. The man looked like he was sleeping, but Vincent was afraid to go closer because when he was a small child, he heard loads of stories about old men sitting under big oak trees. The old men were only waiting for passers-by who would share their precious food with them. Vincent didn’t want to waste his priceless potatoes on that filthy old gramp lazing around the tree.

“Ok, it seems that the gramp is sleeping, but I must be careful, these gramps have ears like bats. Just-walk-a-round-him-slow-ly-and-si-len-tly-so-he-”

“Hello handsome boy!”

“He must be blind, “Vincent said to himself.

 “You are walking like an elephant! Do you have any food to share?”

“And he must be also crazy – share my potatoes with him?!, “Vincent said to himself.

I am glad to see you, I am so hungry! By the way my name is Hafiz, nice to meet you kid!”
“Darn it, I am trapped,” Vincent said to himself.

“Hello good old man, I will be more than happy to share my food with you,” Vincent said.
“And what do you have?”

“Fresh potatoes.”

“Oh, you know son, my teeth aren’t as good as they used to be. Don’t you have any other food? ”
“No, I don’t, I am really sorry.”

“Could you give me at least your hand and help me to stand?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, you are so kind. I have to go now, if you excuse me. I have… things to do. Goodbye.”

And Hafiz the gramp went away as quickly as he could.

“What a strange gramp – at first he is lazing around and then he almost runs away. He is definitely feebleminded. It could be because of his age. I hope I won’t be similar when I retire. Luckily, I didn’t have to share my potatoes and that’s good. Silly old gramp, I fooled him like he was a little child.”


“Can you feel it? That’s it. That’s the taste of freedom.  I am now homeless with a sack full of potatoes. What a beautiful feeling,” Vincent said to himself at the border of his village.

Vincent didn’t know where to go, he felt very desperate because he spent eighteen years of his life only in this village. He has never been so far from home.

Vincent looked back to the sign with the name of his village, took a deep breath and said to himself, “Ok Vincent, you can do that, only ten steps. Only ten steps and you will be exactly fifteen steps far from your home. Be brave, be strong!”

Vincent did ten steps,” Ok, that’s a good start, I did it! I made it! I can be proud of myself, just few more steps.”

Vincent did another nine steps,” I can’t do that, I am so week.  I can still go back home. Home is the best. No! I can do that! I am not a loser, I can’t go back home when I’m so far now. Courage, Vincent, courage!”

After ten days Vincent was almost one hundred steps far from home.


Vincent was terribly sad because he had to leave everyone who ever liked him – his mother and Sheeny. His mother was as sick as a parrot when Vincent told her about his plan, but she could do nothing with it, nobody is more stubborn than Vincent.

Vincent once had a guinea pig – Richard, which was the only animal Vincent ever had. That time, he was arguing with Sheeny if guinea pigs can swim.  Vincent was sure that they can. Sheeny didn’t share his opinion, so Vincent decided to persuade her that guinea-pigs can swim. He decided to conduct a little experiment that would support his hypothesis.

“C’mon Richard, we’ll show her. You see Sheeny? He is swimming. Oh, sorry, you can’t see but I’m telling you that Richard is swimming. Richard?! Are you okay?”

The next day, Vincent buried poor Richard in the garden in the shade of an apple tree.
“I’m so sorry Richard; I shouldn’t have made that stupid experiment on you. Could you forgive me?”


“I consider your answer as “yes”.  Goodbye my guinea pig friend, rest in peace!”

Vincent gave the last hug to his weeping mother and said, “Goodbye, I love you, I’ll be thinking of you mom.”

“Hold on Vincent, I’ll give you something to eat, so that you won’t be hungry on your long journey. You know, I am a bad cook, I would give you some cookies but I can’t bake. Here, take potatoes, it could help.”

“Thank you mom, you are always so kind. Goodbye and take care of you, I’ll be back soon.”

“Goodbye my only son!”


Once upon a time, far far away, there was a small village, and in this small village, there was a small cowshed, and in this small cowshed, there was a small cow. The cow was quite small, if we compare it with other cows of a similar age. If the cow were a female, this female would be one hundred and thirty-five centimeters tall (with shoes). Nevertheless, cows don't wear shoes, so the cow was a little smaller than this hypothetical female (if this female were a cow). The picture below shows (from left) a woman of an average height (with high heel shoes), a small woman (with high heel shoes), a cow of an average height (without high heel shoes), and s small cow (without high hell shoes). In spite of the fact there were no remarks of high heel shoes earlier in the text (just shoes), this picture can clarify this topic, even though the picture is not accurate because of different kinds of shoes used. Nevertheless, the cow on the right should provide an idea of the height of the cow in the small cowshed in the small village.

What is also interesting is the size of the cowshed, if we compare this particular cowshed with average cowsheds. Similarly, the size of the village, compared with other villages (at the specific point of time and specific location), is below average

Apart from this small cow in the small cowshed in the small village there was also Zaida. Zaida was a pregnant prostitute and the father of her child was unknown, so she decided to give a birth to the baby in the cowshed and then she wanted to get rid of the baby. When the baby was born, she took it to the river and threw it into the water. Then she went away.

In the same village but in the different cowshed there was another woman – Zoey. Zoey was also pregnant but she decided to keep her baby even though the father of the baby was also “unknown”. The father of the baby was the mayor of this village, Vincent Hefferszisch, who was happily married, which is why there is written “father unknown” in the birth certificate.

When the baby was born, everyone around the baby was shocked by the appearance of the newborn baby. The baby has something between green and purple color, its eyes were deep in the head and the head itself had a very strange irregular shape resembling a rotten potato. It was definitely the ugliest baby they have ever seen, so everyone apologized and quickly left the room, only the mother remained with her baby.

“Oh, you are so beautiful my little baby, you are really a gift from God, I will give you name Vincent, after your father,” the mother said.

Poor Vincent had not very happy childhood – almost nobody wanted to play with him because he was so ugly. The only friend he had was Sheeny – a very nice and beautiful girl. Vincent liked her very much and they spent a lot of time together – Vincent, Sheeny and her guide-dog Russell. They used to play together; their favorite game was the blind man’s bluff.

Because Vincent liked her very much, he promised, “You know Sheeny, I will do everything to heal your bad eyesight, I promise.”

When Vincent was eighteen, he decided to leave his home – partly because nobody liked him and partly because of the promise he’s made. He wanted to find a potion for Sheeny that could heal her.

“Goodbye Sheeny, my only friend. You are the only one who really likes me. I will dedicate my life to you. One happy day we will meet again, and I will have a cure for you to heal your beautiful blue eyes,” Vincent said.

“Goodbye Vincent, my hero. Take care of yourself, I’ll be thinking of you! Take this ring, my grand-grandfather had stolen it and then he gave it to my grandfather and my grandfather gave it to my father and my father gave it to me. I want you to have it. It will protect you from everything bad,” Sheeny said.

“Goodbye Russell,” Vincent said.

“Woof,” Russell barked.

“Goodbye Sheeny, I love you,” Vincent said to himself.